I waited VERY long for my bride… And then we only had 4 days to plan a wedding with no budget whatsoever. God sent angels and blessings to give us the simplest, yet most precious wedding. We missed many loved ones on the day, but better than all the amazing blessings of the day, it’s our covenant promise that is most worthy of daily celebration.
Prioritizing the marriage over the wedding creates lasting love!
Picture this: A grand wedding, a day filled with laughter, happy tears, and promises of forever. It’s a beautiful moment, but… it’s just a small moment in the greater sphere of your happily ever after. The real journey (marriage) begins after the wedding day. In a society obsessed with the spectacle of weddings, it’s easy to lose sight of the true foundation of a lasting relationship… the marriage itself.
The real journey begins after the wedding day. Focusing on marriage over the wedding creates lasting love.
Let me share a personal story. Years ago, I was caught up in the societal pressures to have a perfect marriage, a picture-perfect life. I focused on appearances, material possessions, and fleeting pleasures. But behind the facade, all my relationships crumbled. It isn’t until you shift your focus to the core of marriage—the love, respect, and shared values—that you can begin to build something unbreakable.
To everyone reading this, I want to offer some insights from my own experiences. I’ve made mistakes, learned valuable lessons, and eventually, I found strength in God’s Word.
Remember, the wedding is just a single day. The true test of your love will be in the years to come, in the everyday choices you make, and in the way you navigate life’s challenges together.
Ever feel like giving up worldly desires is too big a sacrifice? Nothing we give up for God is wasted because true fulfilment lies in Him alone.
Societal Pressure vs. God’s Plan
Society paints a picture-perfect image of marriage, a fairytale ending with a grand wedding as the climax. But let’s be honest: Real life is far from a fairy tale. Beneath the glitz and glamour of social media, couples face countless challenges, from financial strains to communication breakdowns. While we as humans may celebrate the wedding day, God calls us to focus on the lifelong commitment of marriage.
Romans 12:2 (NIV) reminds us:
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2 is a profound reminder that our true North Star should not be societal expectations, but God’s divine plan for our relationships. Marriage isn’t a competition to have the most extravagant wedding or the most Insta-worthy moments. It’s about creating a sacred union that honours God, reflects His love, and aligns with His will. Our true focus should be God’s plan for marriage and how to create a union that honours Him.
The moment I learned she meant it when she said we’re not wearing shoes…
Wife: 1 – Wedding Budget: 0 – Blessed Husband!
The Financial Burden of Extravagance | Marriage over the Wedding
Remember, a wedding is a single day. What matters most is the foundation you’re building for your future as a married couple. Avoid the trap of excessive spending that can leave you burdened with debt. Instead, invest your resources in your relationship.
Save for your future, focus on experiences that strengthen your bond, and create a solid foundation for your marriage.
Proverbs 21:20 (NIV) says:
“The wise store up choice food and olive oil, but fools gulp theirs down.”
In the context of marriage, this means being wise with our resources. True wealth lies not in material possessions or extravagant displays, but in the stewardship of our finances and the intentional building of a strong relationship.
Beyond Appearances | The Heart of the Matter
I used to believe that happiness was found in external things, in appearances, and in fleeting pleasures. But I have realised that these things are superficial and ultimately unsatisfying.
A marriage built on such a foundation is destined to crumble when life’s challenges arise. What truly matters is the deep connection between you and your spouse—the love, respect, and shared faith that bind you together.
Remember, marriage is a partnership, not a competition for perfection. You and your other half will grow together, learn from each other, and inevitably make mistakes. But that’s okay. It’s in these moments of imperfection that grace and forgiveness will sustain your relationship.
1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV) reminds us of God’s perspective:
“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
Don’t be fooled by the illusion of perfection. The true measure of a marriage is not found in external appearances, but in the depth of your connection and the way you honour each other and God. It’s about the love, respect, and shared faith that bind you together, not the superficial trappings of a perfect life.
We’ve grown so much as individuals and together in the last 2 years—let alone the last 4+ years. We’ve conquered many demons with God’s help, and we look forward to the next forever and ever and two days as the Blessed Beans. <3
Preparing for the Journey | Communication is Key
Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. I’ve learned this lesson firsthand, often through difficult experiences. Before you say “I do”, take the time to have open and honest conversations about your values, goals, and dreams for the future. Premarital counselling can be a valuable tool to ensure you’re on the same page and prepared for the challenges ahead. The wedding day is just a fleeting moment.
The true test of your relationship lies in the commitment to continually grow together. Without effective communication and understanding, even the grandest wedding cannot lead to building a strong marriage.
Remember, it’s okay to have tough conversations. Be open with each other, listen attentively, and learn to compromise when necessary. True success in marriage isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about the small, daily choices you make together to nurture your relationship.
Shared Goals and Common Vision
As you move forward in life, take time to set shared goals. What do you both want for your family? How can you work together to create a home filled with love, faith, and support? For me, when I finally allowed Jesus into my life, everything changed. It wasn’t about the external world anymore, but about the internal peace and joy that came from aligning my life with God’s plan.
Work together to build a life centred around God’s love and grace. It’s in that shared vision that your marriage will truly thrive.
Couples, as you walk this exciting journey together, take the time to define your shared goals and vision for your family.
What do you both want for your family? How can you create a home filled with love, faith, and unwavering support? For me, my life was transformed when I allowed Jesus into my heart. It wasn’t about external validation or material possessions anymore. It was about finding inner peace, joy, and a sense of purpose by aligning my life with God’s plan.
I encourage you to build your marriage on a foundation of God’s love and grace. A shared vision centred around His teachings will strengthen your bond and create a lasting legacy.
Want to experience real joy and peace? Learn how living a Christ-centred life can transform your world, bringing purpose and deeper meaning to everyday moments.
Building a Foundation of Faith
Remember, the wedding is just a single day. It’s the love and commitment you share in marriage that truly defines your relationship. Prioritise open and honest communication, embrace grace and forgiveness, and seek God’s guidance in every decision. Marriage is a beautiful journey filled with both joy and challenges.
With God at the centre of your relationship, you can weather any storm. For both of you, I pray that your marriage will be built on a solid foundation that no worldly pressure can shake. Focus on the love you share, your shared goals, and the unwavering faith that will carry you through life’s ups and downs.
“Love never fails.” — 1 Corinthians 13:8 (NIV).
With unwavering faith, I believe that when you place God at the centre of your marriage, it will flourish in ways you cannot even fathom.
The blessings, the joy, and the depth of your love will surpass your wildest dreams. May your journey together be filled with an abundance of love, joy, and God’s divine blessing.
Updated since original posting a year ago: Although we’ve both been married before, Lizette and I chose to wait for marriage before consumating our physical bond—a fact to which we attribute a large percentage of our happiness. It’s a bond that’s so much deeper than anything we’ve experienced before.
Read more about our se-lah process by downloading our book, The se-lah Effect.
God bless you!
James